Miraval - Day 4

My final challenge here at Miraval: Quantum Leap. I climbed a 25-foot telephone poll and stood on a platform that was no larger than a 12-inch pizza. Oh, and it spun. So it was like standing on a Lazy Susan. Of course I was harnessed and belayed, but I still had nothing to hold on to. Originally I had thought the challenge was jumping off. But the challenge is actually getting up on that tiny platform. I wasn't sure how it was possible, but as I climbed the ladder, my decision was to not over-think it, and just do it. Because the more I'd thought about it, the more fear would set in. Take a look at the video to see how I did.

One of the other reasons I chose Miraval was for the equine therapy courses. Today I took a course called It's Not About The Horse instructed by Wyatt Webb. Google him to learn more about him. He's very interesting.

The task in the equine therapy course was to go up to a horse and squeeze it's leg to get it to raise its hoof so you can clean it with a pick. Sounds easy enough. But what some people may not realize is that horses pick up on your energies. So any shit going on in your head, the horse is going to notice, and he will not lift his hoof.

When Wyatt first explained the task, I felt confident. After all, I'd walked across a log 25 feet in the air, jumped off a 12-inch Lazy Susan from 25 feet in the air, and swung from 35 feet. I was feeling confident. But as I listened to others in the class uncover their struggles, I began to wonder? What's my issue? Can I really do this? What am I afraid of? Failure, rejection, and being exposed were a few things that entered my mind. Plus I was anxious and curious. What was Wyatt going to force me to uncover?

So when it was my turn, of course the damn horse didn't lift it's hoof. Because by then I had all these stories floating around my head. Then this other guy took his turn. I don't remember what his issue was, but Wyatt talked him through it, then he went over to the horse and succeeded in getting him to raise his hoof. The man then came back to me and handed me the pick. So here's what went through my mind in the next split second: Why is he handing the pick to me? Shouldn't he give it back to Wyatt so Wyatt can ask me what I'm thinking and what I'm fearing and blah blah blah? Are we doing this right? Blah blah blah.

Finally I thought, "Just shut up and do it." I grabbed the pick walked over to the horse, pinched his leg, and he raised his hoof.

So my key take a way was: Get out of my own head and just do it. Which, interestingly, was what I was feeling at the start of the class before all that stuff entered my mind. I've got to stop all the analytical stories that run through my mind every day, and just go for it.

Profound.

Phew. That's it for the challenges. Tomorrow, my last day at Miraval, is going to be a cake walk. Hugs and kisses from Tucson!

Dani on Quantum Leap at Miraval

www.youtube.com

I did it!!!

Miraval - Day 3

I'm not even sure where to begin. So I accomplished Out on the Limb early this morning, which I didn't expect to do. Two steps. That's all I asked myself to accomplish. And I made it all the way across. It was so overwhelming I was crying when I get to the end (you couldn't see it in the video :-) ) It was exhilarating and terrifying and challenging. I was saying all sorts of meditations and chants and prayers while I was up there!

Afterward I knew I had accomplished my fear of letting go. The climb was scary too, but I think I got that down. It's the letting go and taking that first step. At the end I told myself I can accomplish anything: succeeding in business, in writing, and in love.

If you missed the video, check it out here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oKB5UPvkrk0

Well, as if walking along a pole 25 feet in the air without any support wasn't enough, I was talked into doing another challenge called Face to Face. It involved climbing up that damn 25 foot poll again, but this time I was joined by a partner, Christine, whom I just met last night. Together we stood on separate cables a foot apart and had to hold on to each other for support as we took steps across the cable. Yes, before I climbed that ladder I was asking myself, "Why do you keep doing this, Dani?!"

In this case I was conquering the fear of failing. Since I had made it across the poll on Out on the Limb, I didn't want to disappoint myself by failing at Face to Face. Christine and I relied on each other, coached each other, and took three terrifying steps - a huge accomplishment! Afterward, I was a little disappointed that I felt I lost control. But I learned that it's okay to lose control sometimes. You just need to go with it and see what happens. (Check out the video of Christine and I doing our challenge below.)

It was an emotionally exhausting day. I ended it with a double limoncello. Hugs and kisses from Tucson!

Dani & Christine on Face to Face at Miraval - Part 2

Day 2 - Miraval

The best thing I did today was the activity I was fearing the most called Swing and a Prayer. Five brave women and I sat in a circle with our instructor named Lewis Beach (isn't that a great name? I think I'll use that as a character name in my next book!). He asked us to think about something we wanted to release. I told him I had a slight fear of heights that I wanted to overcome. He told me that I didn't have a fear of heights, but a fear of being exposed and vulnerable. We don't need to conquer our fears; we just need to learn how to handle them.

Then as each one of us took our turns, we were tightened into harnesses, climbed up a 10-foot ladder, hooked on to a cable, then pulled up to 35 feet in the air while dangling. Lewis encouraged us to hang out up there, take in the scenery, think about our goals and what we wanted to release. Then when we were ready, we let go and swooshed through the air. It was both terrifying and exhilarating.

Afterward, we sat in a circle again and discussed what we were feeling. Two important points that Lewis wanted us to learn from the experience: Whatever we were releasing was still going to creep back into our lives again at times. And when that happens, he wants us to think of that one moment, right before we let go, right before we swooshed through the air, and how empowered we felt. He also pointed out that even though we each had our own private moment to release during our turns, we weren't alone. The entire activity was a team exercise. When we need to release, we are never alone. We have our family, our friends, our journal, our pets. All there to help us get through our adversities.

Click on the link below to see me swing through the air! :-0

I also took an aerial yoga class. Picture a small silk hammock just big enough to sit in, hanging from the ceiling. We did all the traditional yoga poses using the silk. Now I want one in my home!

I went to another session with Tejpal (she was the one who taught us how to use our intuition yesterday). This session was about finding our life mission by discovering what brings joy to our lives. Of course, writing entered my mind. But that doesn't always bring me joy - sometimes it brings frustration. However, during a meditation at the end of the class I actually thought of an interesting character to add to my next novel.

Finally, I finished my long enlightening day by attending a session called Calm The Mind, Open the Heart where we used Tibetan singing bowls to calm our minds, center our hearts and reconnect our bodies to its wisdom of self-healing :-)

I'm exhausted. Hugs and kisses from Tucson!

http://youtu.be/zURjov7BT6A

Miraval - Day 1

After arriving, having a quick lunch and settling into my room, I walked around the resort and wondered, "Now what?"

I went to a session on how to listen to your intuition. Key take away was that it's okay to be clueless. Don't expect to have all the answers. Take a breath before responding, and let you're intuition lead you. The more clueless you are, the more insights you gain.

We then paired up with someone we didn't know and exchanged a personal item. I gave a woman named Sophia my heart ring. She gave me her scarf. Then we meditated and let our intuition speak to us about the other person. I told Sophia her scarf made me think of a cloud, like I was floating. I sensed she was opening herself to new experiences. She sensed in me that I was light, playful and childlike (she thought I was really young - haha). I told her that I was just getting my second wind in life 

After that I booked it to the Agave Center for an evening chakra meditation, then back to the main building for dinner with a bunch of interesting ladies that are all here on their own adventures. 

Did you know you could LIVE at Miraval?! Villas and casitas are for sale. Something to thing about

Thank You, Michael

It’s already been two weeks since we lost Michael. It still seems surreal that he’s gone. It all went so quickly. I’m still trying to figure things out.

Michael had been at Misericordia since he was two years old. So in a sense I didn’t grow up with him. He wasn’t a daily physical presence like my parents, or my older brother Chris, or my friends. In the beginning my visits were weekly. Every Sunday morning we’d drive down to see him. As an adult living on my own in the city, my visits were less frequent. Maybe once a month or so.

I’m not sure when it will become real for me. Maybe it’ll be real for my parents when they wake up on Sunday mornings with no place to go. It’ll feel real for Chris every morning when he realizes he doesn’t have to go to Mikey’s to give him his therapeutic massage. When will it be real for me? Still trying to figure that out.

I was eleven when Michael was born. What should have been a happy time in our lives quickly turned into a dark period for all of us. We all suffered in our own unique way. I suffered in silence. After being the youngest for so long, I was now the middle child. When I was little, before Michael was born, I was loud, rambunctious, outgoing, controlling, a bit whiny, and sometimes a brat. I was the youngest, after all, with an older brother who loved to terrorize me.

After Michael’s birth I realized I had to change. My parents had so much on their plate to worry about, I didn’t want them to worry about me. I had to grow up and stay out of trouble as much as I could. Michael’s birth had such an impact on me, I often wonder who I’d be if he’d never been born. Some of you may have noticed that I like to keep to myself sometimes; I don’t like to be a bother to anyone. That’s all because of Michael. That outgoing and controlling side still comes out, though. It’s nice to know a piece of pre-Michael me is still there.

Chris and I each gave our own eulogy at the service. At first neither of us were sure we’d make it through, but we got up there and said what needed to be said. I asked the question I was sure everyone was asking: Why did God let Michael suffer for 28 years? What was the purpose?

I like to think that Michael’s purpose was to teach us something. If we should learn one thing from Michael it was his overall outlook on life. He was always such a happy boy no matter what he was going through. He would smile and laugh at random. Even during his sickest moments he would still crack a grin through the oxygen mask. It really makes us think twice before we complain about something trivial. If Michael can make it through such challenging times, why can’t we?

I’ve been walking a little slower these days, staring like a zombie, damp eyes hidden behind sunglasses. Michael was a silent presence in our lives for 28 years. Now he’s silent in another way, and I struggle to understand it all.

Thank you, Michael, for all that you've given us, and all that you sacrificed.

I've Been Waiting for Something to Come Along

Being out of a full-time job for almost a year now, I was going to have to find something to earn more money than what my occasional copywriting and proofreading projects were bringing in. But the thought of going back to a permanent corporate job wasn’t appealing. The thought of going through the interview process for the zillionth time was so unmotivating, I can honestly say I didn’t even make much of an effort looking for job openings. I relied on my own contacts, networking, and current clients to bring in some dollars. But I wasn’t going to be able to live off of that alone.

I love not working a 9-5 job anymore. I love rolling out of bed at 8 a.m., grabbing my laptop and heading to one of the many cafés in my neighborhood to spend a few hours writing. When I was working 9-5, I used to envy the people I’d see leisurely lounging at Starbucks, typing on their laptops, surfing the net, as I waited impatiently in line to get my tall latte before rushing to the office. Now I am one of those people. Have been since June 29, 2009. I thought I’d get bored, but I haven’t. I made some new friends who also work at jobs with flexible hours. We occasionally meet up during the week to go for breakfast or to the beach or to a matinee. I go out at night to networking events and fundraisers, not having to worry about getting up early the next day. As much as I liked the steady paycheck that the 9-5 job brought, I quickly got used to the life of leisure, and decided to find a way to continue to live it.

Ideas came and went as I thought of my next move: Maybe I can get a part-time job at Borders. I can be around books all day long. But working retail? No. Out of the question. Maybe I can find a job in social media marketing, since, I admit, I spend a lot of my free time on Facebook, Twitter and Foursquare. Or maybe I should try one of those multi-level marketing companies like Mary Kay or Avon. There are hundreds out there, from cosmetics, to jewelry, to baskets, to home décor, and even sex toys. Yes, I did consider becoming a consultant for a sex toy MLM. But I realized the repeat customer rate had to be low. I mean, come on, you buy a vibrator and you’re done, right? No, if I were to join an MLM it had to be for products that consumers will come back for.

I didn’t worry about my job situation. I told my friends something would come along at the right time that will be the right fit. Something that I won’t have to give up my writing career for. I was confident fate would take its course.

It did one night in April when I attended a fundraiser at Martini Park (RIP). I met Lindsay Madison, another writer. We hit it off and decided to meet for coffee a couple weeks later. It was there that I first learned about Arbonne, an MLM company that sells vegan botanically-based personal care products. Lindsay told me about her job as a District Manager, how it allows her to pursue her writing and acting passion. At first I was skeptical. But she gave me some samples to try, and I went home and did extensive research on the company and products. I talked to friends who’d used Arbonne products and loved them. I thought, what have I got to lose?

So last week I officially joined Arbonne as a consultant. Other than the initial skepticism while I was learning about the opportunity, when it came time to sign on the dotted line, I didn’t have any doubts. This was the something I’ve been waiting for. The something that will earn me money selling products I believe in while still focusing on my writing career. The something that will let me keep my flexible work schedule so I can keep going to cafés with my laptop.

I’m ready to start this new adventure and see where it leads me. So here I go.

And what kind of consultant would I be if I didn’t do a bit of shameless self-promotion? Visit my Arbonne site at daniellepatarazzi.myarbonne.com.

Lost Finale: My mind is still spinning

My mind is still buzzing from last night’s Lost finale. Even after I finally shut off the TV at midnight, after six hours of Lost-saturated television, my mind still raced, keeping me awake until 2 a.m. pondering. I’m attempting to clear my mind by spilling my thoughts here. SPOILER ALERT: Duh. Don’t read on if you haven’t seen the finale yet.

I had my doubts leading up to the finale. This whole season had story lines and characters going in circles, leaving me more confused than ever. I didn’t have high expectations that all questions were going to be answered in the end. And they weren’t. But it wouldn’t be Lost if the producers didn’t leave some things open for our own interpretation.

My theory: Everything that happened on the island was real. It wasn’t hell. They weren’t dead. It wasn’t limbo. Instead, the flash sideways revealed this season was Jack’s purgatory; he entered it on the season’s first episode when the plane hit turbulence but didn’t crash. As his father told him, all his friends were at the church to meet him. They were all dead. But some died before Jack, some died long after. There is no sense of time in the afterlife. They all reunited to welcome Jack home.

But.

If Jack was in purgatory, doesn’t that mean he was dead? Doesn’t that mean he died in the plane crash along with everyone else? Maybe it was fate showing him what his life would’ve been like if the plane never crashed. Maybe it was his soul not accepting his fate yet. Maybe the flash sideways wasn’t really running parallel to the life on the island.

Why did some of the survivors get to be at the church to welcome Jack, but not others? Where was Michael? As Harold Perrineau confirmed on Jimmy Kimmel Live, Michael’s soul was stuck on the island. Why? Because he killed Libby and Anna Lucia for his own selfish reasons? But wasn’t he redeemed by trying to keep the bomb on the freighter from detonating, giving his friends time to escape on the helicopter?

I was also wondering about Mr. Eko. I thought he was a fascinating character in the earlier seasons. How come we hadn’t seen him since the smoke monster killed him?

Maybe, as Showbiz Tonight's Marquee Blog states, some of the survivors weren’t ready to “let go.” It was all about letting go in the end.

So why didn’t Ben want to let go? Why was he at the church? Maybe he was trapped in his own purgatory, and he showed up at the church to apologize to John and to give Hurley a chance to thank him. Or maybe he just wasn’t dead yet.

I jumped on Twitter and Facebook after the show ended to see everyone’s reactions. They were mixed, but mostly in favor of the show’s finale. I think it was beautifully done. My expectations weren’t set very high, so I was able to enjoy it for what it was.

Lost was a great show; smartly written, produced and acted. The complete series comes out on DVD in August. I’m thinking of getting it and watching the whole darn thing over again. Just to see what I missed.